


A day in the life of the Avengers

by cosmicavocado



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers Shorts, Gen, Revengers, Team Cap - Freeform, Team IronMan, Team Thor, Tony Fucking Stark, avengers? More like dysfunctional family, i love them, im going to pretend civil war never happened, ironfam, no ships oops, theyre a mess, theyre all so immature i sksnskxns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 00:08:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19860292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicavocado/pseuds/cosmicavocado
Summary: Feat. Team Thor, team Cap and Ironfam





	1. A day in the life of steve Rogers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve being annoyed by his friends and natasha is the only one who has self control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KSBDKSNDKSKDBDJXNSKNDDJDNDM

"Steve!"

Came Sam's distressed cries from the kitchen, followed by the sounds of kitchenware clattering against each other, then followed by a string of profanities.

Steve whipped his head around to look at the kitchen, then he sighed in frustration, setting his cup of coffee down on the table and reaching out for the remote to pause what he was currently watching. He stood up from the couch, making his way towards the kitchen, only to see the mess his friends created on the floor.

Spoons and forks littered everywhere (he was pretty sure he spotted a bent fork somewhere in there), a frying pan laid with the mess on the floor, the pantry cabinet was open, and Sam and Bucky were having a small wrestling match on the dining table.

Sam had his hand extended out in the air, holding a cereal box while his other hand attempted to push away Bucky's face. Bucky, on the other hand, had his metal arm reaching out for the box of cereal, while his free hand was holding a carton of milk to his lips as he drank up all the contents.

"Give me the fucking milk, Barnes-"

"Sam, Bucky!" Steve called out to the two of them, causing them to stop their actions. Bucky removed the carton from his lips, "Sam wouldn't give me the cereal so I didn't give him the milk," Bucky scowled at the man beside him. Sam removed his hand from Bucky's face only to point a finger at him accusingly. "You were the one that wouldn't give me the milk!"

"Oh, so it's my fault, now?"

Steve blinked, watching as the two bickered back and forth. He sighed once more, moving towards the table, only to grab the carton of milk and the cereal. Sam looked toward his friend, furious. "Hey!"

"Neither of you are getting any of this," He gestured to the items in his hands, "Unless you make up."

"But-"

"But nothing, now make up or I won't give any of this back." He cut Bucky off. The brunette frowned, glaring at Sam. Sam glared back, moving farther away from him.

Steve rolled his eyes, retreating back to the living room with his friends' breakfast, which was now his.

***  
[ 02 ]

"Hey, Steve," Bucky called out to the blonde, who seemed to be doing something in the kitchen. "Yeah?" Steve replied. "What're we having for dinner?" He asked, shifting on the couch as he looked back at the kitchen. "I'm starving," Sam whined.

Steve poked his head through the doorframe. "We're not having any of that tonight," He gestured towards the fridge. Sam groaned but was immediately cut off by Steve.

"Tonight, I'm serving good looks," Steve walked out of the kitchen, placing a hand on his hip as he posed in nothing but his American flag boxers with a hot pink apron with the words 'kiss the cook' written in bold letters across the cloth.

Natasha didn't bother looking up from the TV, sighing in utter disappointment. Sam whined, slumping down on the couch. Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Steve, please, we haven't eaten anything in two days-"

" _Good looks, Bucky_."

***  
[ 03 ]

As Natasha walked down the hall, she could hear soft sobs coming from Steve's room, causing her to raise an eyebrow. She made her way towards the captain's room. She twisted the doorknob and pushed the door open, only to see Bucky sprawled out on the carpeted floor, his face down as he sniffled. Steve looked perfectly fine. He was drawing something in his sketchbook on the desk, and he didn't seem so bothered over a crying Bucky on his floor.

"What happened to him?" Natasha gestured towards the brunette. Steve snorted, "Bucky did those 'which Avenger are you' quizzes on google." Natasha leaned against the doorframe, amused. "Who did he get?"

"He got Sam," Steve laughed. Bucky only cried louder, cursing into the carpet.


	2. A day in the life of Tony Stark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the ironfam where everyone is immature and pepper is the only adult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter is so precious, protect at all costs-

Pepper dashed down the halls, her heels tapping against the floor as she made her way towards her room. She held a couple of papers in her hands, looking through the files as she walked. But as she neared her room, a loud and continuous beeping noise came from across the penthouse.

Pepper momentarily paused her actions, looking over her shoulder to see what caused that noise. She waited for a few seconds, seeing as the beeping didn't come to a stop. Then, she heard a string of profanities, followed by Rhodey's voice, then muffled screaming.

Pepper, once again, rushed down the penthouse, making her towards the opposite side. Specifically, towards the kitchen, where the noises were coming from. The blonde nose wrinkled as she nearly reached the destination, the scent of burning... whatever it was.

"Tony? Rhodey?" She called out, her voice echoing throughout the place. There was no response for a few seconds until Tony spoke up. "Yes, dear?" He called back. "What are you doing?" She asked, her eyebrows furrowing. "What did you two do? Is something burning?" She walked faster, speeding towards the kitchen. Upon reaching her destination, she was met with a panicking Rhodey, a perfectly calm Tony and a burning oven.

"Just my desire for you, Pep," Tony replied, flashing Pepper a wink. Rhodey whacked his best friend's head, "Tony, your oven is on fucking fire!" He rushed past Pepper, trying to find something that could be used to put the fire out. Pepper's eyes widened as she moved towards the burning oven, "What did you do?" Pepper asked, exasperated.

"Science!" Was Tony's fast reply.

***  
[ 02 ]

"Guys," Pepper began, a hand on her hip and her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose as she continued. "We need to talk about your professionalism." Her eyebrows furrowed, she crossed her arms as she watched Peter, Harley and Tony shift uncomfortably on top of the kitchen counter, squished in between a cabinet.

Tony narrowed his eyes at her, pointing at her feet. "Those are mighty brave words for someone standing on lava."

Pepper could only sigh.

***  
[ 03 ]

"Tones..." Rhodey began, resting both of his arms on top of the marble table as he leaned forward, eyebrows furrowing. He watched as Tony grabbed himself a cup of water."How drunk were you last night?" He asked.

Tony had to blink a few times, before shaking his head, laughing. He set the glass of water he held in his hand down on the kitchen counter. "Well, I still have my pants on. So not that drunk."

Rhodey winced, looking down at his best friend's pants, trying to stop himself from laughing as he spoke. "Tony," He started. The man raised an eyebrow at him questioningly. "What?" He asked. "Those aren't-"

But before Rhodey could continue, the sound of heels clicking against the ground echoed throughout the kitchen. Pepper walked in, her strawberry blonde hair swaying behind her. Though, instead of wearing her usual bottom, she wore... pants.

  
"Tony have you seen my-" She stopped, her eyes moving down towards Tony's pants. The brunette's eyes grew wide as he looked down to where Pepper was looking. He was... wearing her pants. _Fuck_. No wonder it was tight on him.

Rhodey snorted, using a hand to cover his mouth, stifling his laughter as he watched Tony and Pepper's reactions.


	3. A day in the life of Team Thor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feat. These idiots. No not you, Valkyrie.

Bruce fell on the floor in pain as the scaly creature bit him. He clutched his leg, wincing as he writhed. " _Fuck_ ," He hissed, and Thor immediately kneeled down next to him, panicking. Valkyrie followed Thor's actions, asking the man what they should do.

"What should we do?!" Thor asked, watching as the green snake started to slither away. Bruce cringed, gripping his leg tighter. "Just," He began, grunting. "Elevate and apply pressure," He held his leg.

Valkyrie nodded, moving towards Bruce's leg. Thor, on the other hand, stood up from where he knelt and grabbed the animal, holding it high up in the air, watching as it hissed and struggled to break free from his grasp. "Apologize, or else." Thor threatened.

***  
[ 02 ]

Thor watched as the explosion slowly died down, turning to face his friends, clapping his hands together. "Timer starts now," He declared. The grandmaster hummed in thought, looking off into the distance. "I say two months he'll be back on my ship." Valkyrie rolled her eyes, placing a hand over her hip. "One month, he can do better."

Bruce nodded along but shrugged. "I'll do you one better, one _week_." Thor let out a hysterical laugh as if it was the funniest thing he's ever heard. "I bet you my other eye he'll be back in two days." A smug grin adorned Valkyrie's lips as she nodded towards the god of thunder. "You're on," she said.

"Guys!" A small, panicked voice came from the side. The spiderling, Peter, stood next to the other Avengers who had just as much of a hard time fighting off aliens as Thor's team. Peter looked as if he was about to cry. "Mr. Loki just died!" He cried.

Thor looked towards his friends. "Scratch that, he'll be back in about an hour."

***  
[ 03 ]   
Team Thor goes grocery shopping.

-

"Thor, stop that!" Bruce hurried down the aisles, pushing the cart along with him as he rushed towards Thor, who had his hand inside a box of poptarts. The God of thunder pulled out one of the treats, shoving it into his mouth, savoring the taste. "Thor, you're not supposed to do that!" Bruce attempted to pry the box away from his friend, but Thor simply held it high (Bruce's height is a curse.)

Thor hummed in satisfaction, ignoring Bruce. "Hm," He nodded to himself. "This poptart, I like it," He suddenly threw the box at one of the shelves, startling the poor man. His voice boomed throughout the grocery store.

"ANOTHER!"

-

Valkyrie marched up towards the counter, several bottles of beer in her cart. The person working behind the cash register eyed her cart, wincing. Valkyrie presented the bottles in front of the lady, and the woman didn't bother asking, far too intimidated by the looks Valkyrie was giving her. She scanned each and everyone, placing them in paper bags.

"That would be," The woman calculated, before stating the price to Valkyrie. The warrior looked her dead in the eye, her tone completely serious as she said,

"Do you accept beheadings?"

-

**Long story short, they all get kicked out after Loki scares a little girl by making a rotisserie chicken come to life.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhhhhh its 1 am and i have school tomorrow yall

**Author's Note:**

> sjbxsjdnks theyre a very weird, dysfuntional family and i appreciate that


End file.
